6/18/11

Female Abortion

The Wall Street Journal seems to be publishing a lot of brainless editorials lately.  Take The War Against Girls, for instance.  Editorialist Jonathan V. Last writes, "Even more unexpectedly, the decision to abort baby girls is usually made by women—either by the mother or, sometimes, the mother-in-law."  

Well, gosh.  Really, what a shocker.  Women in developing nations are more likely to decide to abort than their husbands, fathers, or boyfriends.  Gee, I wonder why.  Could it possibly be because women in developing nations actually know what a tough life their daughter might face?  To the men, a girl might have sexual or economic uses (they can pimp her for money).  The women think it through all the way; they know exactly what quality of life their little girl might face in Azerbaijan or China.  They choose to abort with that knowledge in mind.  They aren't thinking in terms of the big picture, or global economics.  They are thinking in terms of their own situation.

Then Mr. Last has the hubris to write: "This is where choice leads. This is where choice has already led. Ms. Hvistendahl may wish the matter otherwise, but there are only two alternatives: Restrict abortion or accept the slaughter of millions of baby girls and the calamities that are likely to come with it."

Sure. Go ahead and make a global law that forbids abortion based on gender.  You're going to create a lot of miserable little girls born into awful situations with no escape.

Abolish sexism first.  THEN you'll have the right to forbid abortion based on gender.

2/24/11

Clarification about commanding all living things.

Today, someone emailed me a semi-intelligent question.  Here it is:

If you command all living things, then how come I've never heard of you?
- Alan from MN

The fact is, Alan from MN, that having godlike authority over all lifeforms does not allow one to micromanage.  I don't know the intimate details of every individual blade of grass, baobab tree, llama, gnat, or human on this world you call Earth.  This galaxy is rife with planets with lifeforms--a few have even more variety than yours--and that would be an awful lot to keep track of, even for a being as close to omniscient as myself.  I manage things at the upper level only.  I delegate.  If I decide that a certain lifeform should a do a particular thing, I send one of my Torth minions to threaten it with death, or otherwise put pressure on it by threatening its children or mate, or I'll simply to kill it.  My power is my authority.  That is why I am the Commander of All Living Things.

When the Torth Majority decides to enslave every human on Earth, I will command the operation.  When that happens . . . you still will never have heard of me.  I will command your enslavement, and I could do whatever I wanted with you, then: I could consign you to a breeding farm, or put you among my personal slaves, or assign you to toil in hard physical labor until you die of exhaustion.  But I don't care if you never meet me in person or hear my title spoken out loud.  Fame is unnecessary for my job.  Very few slaves among the trillions in the conquered universe would actually recognize my face.  I only need to be known and obeyed among the Torth.

I hope that answers your question.  Have a pleasant day.

2/9/11

A Congressman Lied

I realize this is not a big news flash, but I find this lying, shirtless, married, and pathetic politician to be amusing.

As a telepath, I can't lie, and this makes my job as a politician much more difficult--yet much more sincere--than that of Christopher Lee, Republican representative for New York.

I'm not surprised that a human male would troll craigslist for dates.  I am just a tad surprised that this U.S. Congressman used his real name and email address on craigslist.  That doesn't seem too bright.  And I'm a little more surprised that he told the woman that his shirtless photo was "the only photo he had around," and apparently expected her to believe him.

I wonder if he realizes that shirtless photos on craigslist are often considered creepy and in poor taste?  I wonder what sort of skanky women he's hooked up with in the past?  I wonder if he has STDs?  I wonder if his wife suspects?  I wonder why he admitted to having a child, yet lied about his age and marital status?  I wonder how many times he used his real name before a woman online actually researched him and then contacted a news media outlet?  Maybe he hoped they would confuse him with Christopher Lee, the actor.

Among my people, we expect politicians to uphold the values they espouse.  In fact, we hold our politicians to a higher standard than the common people.  The Torth Majority will have me tortured to death the minute they begin to doubt my interest in serving them.  Compete with that, U.S. representatives ... so-called servants of the people!!!

2/4/11

Tolerance for Extreme Extremists


The Westboro Baptist Church is in the news--again--this time to protest the victims of a U.S. army wife who shot her two children. 

A fringe minority like the Westboro Baptist Church could never form among my people.  Or rather, if it did form, it would keep its mouth shut and try to be invisible.  If it irritated more than half of our population, the Torth Majority would pass a new law ordering every member of the cult to be whipped, caned, and buried alive.  As the Commander of All Living Things, I would dispassionately do my civic duty and ensure that the law is enforced.

The Torth live by a simple yet elegant edict: Majority rules.  Our moral code and laws are chosen according to what the majority of our population wants.  Since we're mind readers, all of our votes are instantaneous.  No hyperbole, no double-speak, no hypocrisy, no lies.  Even the most powerful politician among us--that would be me, the Commander of All Living Things--must abide by the will of the Torth Majority.  I can't become a mad dictator.  The Majority would tear me down at the first hint of madness.  I assure you, I am perfectly, 100% sane, and a model citizen among my people.

I can't help but sneer at your pathetic Westboro Baptist Church and the general tolerance you show by fighting its weak little protests with weak little counter-protests.  Ha!

1/31/11

Wikileaks? Torth have Wikiflood.

You humans have invented a tool that will allow you to (eventually) evolve into a higher lifeform, such as Torth.  We won't let you get that far, of course;  we'll enslave your world and absorb your technology long before you can become a threat to us.

However, I find your infantile first steps towards a hive mind to be of anthropological interest.  You've only recently begun to publicly and globally share ideas, pornography, and government secrets.  And it's causing violent reactions worldwide.

Take Wikileaks.  Some of your governments condemn it for adding unnecessary risk to civilians and operatives hiding in enemy territories, and for exposing secrets that weren't meant to fall into enemy hands.  Some of your governments praise it for exposing the true motives of foreign allies and enemies.  No one seems very sure about how Wikileaks fact-checks it articles or edits it content, and what safety concerns, if any, it takes into consideration before publishing.

The question on most people's minds seems to be whether or not a global news source should be regulated, and by whom.

You humans should be asking a different question.  Can it be regulated?

Like it or not, your internet has become integral to your worldwide economies and societies.  Unless Earth suffers a major catastrophe--such as the upcoming Torth invasion--your internet is here to stay.  If Wikileaks gets regulated, someone else will make a new one that isn't regulated.

As non-telepaths, you're all used to secrecy.  You'll have to adjust to a new way of thinking.  Your governments will try to keep their secrets off the internet, and force their agents to sign affidavits of secrecy.  They'll tighten their hiring requirements.  But those precautions will only work so long as the internet is external to people.  When technology advances to the point where you can share the electric sparks of your brainwave patterns across a wireless network, your society will undergo another major upheaval.  Then you will truly become like Torth.

Privacy is rare among us.  Secrets are rarer still.  I cannot lie to other Torth.  Lying is impossible in our telepathic neural net.

I am the Commander of All Living Things; the head of a much larger and more powerful government than anything you have on Earth.  The Torth Empire encompasses hundreds of colonized worlds and more than thirty trillion citizens.  We swiftly crush or enslave every enemy.  Yet if I want to keep a secret, there is only one way:  To never think about it.

Secrecy is a crime among us.  It is equivalent to perjury or bearing false witness.  Torth dislike secrets.  I can never admit to having a secret; if I did, the Torth Majority would have every right to pry the secret out of me.

As you might imagine, secrecy becomes a dangerous and delicate mental dance among my people.  The mere behavior of being secretive is enough to rouse suspicion.  We can only think about a secret while disconnected from the neural net.  When a Torth enters or exits our neural net, the entrance or exit is recorded.  Torth only exit for one of three reasons:  To sleep, to go to the bathroom, or to think about a secret.  If the first two can be ruled out, that leaves strong evidence that I'm guarding a secret.  Remember--we can't lie to each other.

Only our rank hierarchy makes secrecy possible at all.  Among Torth, asking direct questions to a superior officer is rude.  I am the Commander of All Living Things; no one outranks me.  Only a very rude Torth would dare to question me, should I happen to drop out of the neural net for a few suspicious moments.  If their question puts me on the spot, I might be publicly forced to answer it.  Since Torth cannot lie to each other, this might condemn me.  However, it is far more likely that I can avoid being forced to answer ... in which case I can sentence the rude offender to death.  My office allows me that much authority.

So far in my life, no Torth has every questioned me about secrets.

Instead of whining about Wikileaks or the need for government transparency, your governments would do well to set up a hierarchy based on respect rather than fear.  Few among you question the facts presented by your mass media.  Governments would do well to adapt this same strategy, or they will be replaced by a future mega-conglomerate that will win by virtue of owning the trust of the masses.  You won't question it, the way you question your current government(s).  And if one or two of you do ask the right questions ...well, authority is adaptable.

I don't rule by fear.  The Torth Majority rules me.  They elected me to be their head, and they trust me to follow their wishes, or they'll torture me to death.  That's how we Torth operate.  On the other hand, most Torth won't ask questions of me or my fellow upper ranks, because our early government had the foresight to label that as rude.

Your governments could learn a thing or two here.  Wikieaks is forcing them to readapt, but it's only the first step in a long road towards true rule by the people.

Go ahead and comment.  I might answer.